


A World Within Me

by hnnnn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Ballet Dancer Katsuki Yuuri, Ballet Dancer Yuri Plisetsky, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Character's name spelled as Isabelle, Depression, F/F, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, I Made Up A Medicine Okay?, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Light Angst, Lmao he keeps taking his medicine, Long-Haired Victor Nikiforov, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mature beacuse of teenaged potty mouth, OC Medicine???, Oblivious Katsuki Yuuri, Polyamorous Character, Viktor's mum is MeAN, Young Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hnnnn/pseuds/hnnnn
Summary: "There are flowers in my lungs and butterflies in my stomach, I have an entire world within me. But without you, my entire world means nothing."Katsuki Yuuri's medicine matches the color of the flowers taking capacity in his lungs.------A dime a dozen Hanahaki au + highschool au featuring the gay lunch table





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> I don't own Yuri on Ice or the concept of the Hanahaki Disease.
> 
> For those who don't know: The Hanahaki disease is a fictional disease born from one/sided or unrequited love. In the Hanahaki disease, those affected, will have flowers growing in their lungs until their love is resolved. If not, they eventually suffocate to death.
> 
> Viktor and Yuuri meet in their teenage years in this fic to avoid killing Katsuki Yuuri and because I said so. 
> 
> End game is Viktuuri
> 
> Viktor and Yuuri are only two years apart in this fic.
> 
> Triggers (spoilers): Anxiety (attacks), mentions of depression, mentions of domestic abuse, therapy, hospitalization
> 
> Let's get on with our story, hmmm~?
> 
> -Tea-

Katsuki Yuuri was twelve years old when flowers started growing in his chest, filling up the capacity in his lungs and making it difficult to breathe.

When they first appeared his friends had thought it was just another anxiety attack, they held his hand and counted with him; helping him breathe and babbling mindlessly to distract him from spiraling thoughts.

He took a deep inhale and something soft and smooth went up his throat and got caught there. He fell down to his knees, his body shaking from hacking coughs and loud sobs trying to toss out the blockage. After what seemed like eternity he was spitting delicate and soft, pink petals out of his mouth, opening up his vents once more before he collapsed on the ground in an exhausted heap.

He'll never forget the way Yuuko had looked at him with watery eyes as she inspected a petal.

"Oh, Yuu-chan," she had gasped softly, "Oh, Yuu-chan- I don't know what to do."

He hated their pitying glances. He hated the way his best friend (tormentor), Takeshi looked at him sadly. He was supposed to be making fun of his weight, calling him a little piggy, giving him noogies.

So why was he looking at him like he was a dead boy walking.

Yuuri shook one last time and spat out one last petal before weakly lifting his head to turn his attention back up to the television.

Viktor Nikiforov had just finished his free skate and was being dragged off to the kiss and cry by his balding coach.

He was going to win gold this time, Yuuri knew it.

He lowered his head to the cool concrete floor with a sigh. Loving the way the chill sapped the warmth from his overheated body.

His head lolled to the side and everything went black.

_ **\-----------** _

"Yuuri! First day of school! Up and at 'em, you don't want to be late!"

Yuuri rolled over, a groan escaping his lips as he dragged himself out of bed; padding over to his closet and tossing on a random shirt and jeans before making a bee-line towards the bathroom. He let out a shaky breath, reaching into the medical cabinet and taking two sets of pills out: antidepressants and Peribat spray.

Yuuri grabbed the Zoloft container, hastily opening it before popping a blue tablet into his mouth and swallowing it dry, that way it would be easier to take his Peribat spray.

It wasn't very interesting, just a clear bottle with a logo plastered over, the logo in annoying blocky letters, the liquid inside was a soft pink that matched the flowers growing in his chest.

The whole thing worked just like Chloraseptic Spray. Open your mouth, breathe in, spray. That way the spray went down his trachea and to his lungs.

He took a deep breath, his throat scratchy from swallowing dry, and sprayed. There was a familiar burn as the medicine killed the roots of the pink hydrangeas in his chest.

He tried his best to ignore the burning pain by picking up his toothbrush and absent-mindedly smearing toothpaste across it.

He looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth and winced, messy black hair, flat brown eyes, and blunt eyelashes; no wonder he was suffering from Hanahaki, how could anyone love _that_?

Picking up a comb he ran it through his hair once and took out the door, grabbing his backpack and running downstairs.

"Bye mom!" He grabbed a piece of toast and bent down to kiss his petite mother's cheek.

"Bye Yuu-chan, don't forget to head Ms. Baranovskaya's studio after school. Don't be late, Minako-sensei says she's a former Prima Ballerina who does not like to be kept waiting." Mrs. Katsuki didn't look up from where she was buttering a slice of toast for herself but gave a small smile that was supposed to be comforting and encouraging.

Yuuri nodded then charged out the door, heading for his new bus stop, where his new bus would take him to his new school.

When Yuuri's Hanahaki got worse as time went on his parents thought a new change of scenery would help him recover. So they packed up and moved across the Sea of Japan to live in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Maybe Yuuri would just fall out of love. No luck so far, he misses his friends, his old school, his old dance teacher. And his Russian was sloppy and too formal, always in broken sentences and too soft with his accent.

Moving only worsened his depressive state, which was originally just a symptom from the Hanahaki.

Stupid Hanahaki. It ruined Yuuri's life, he just wished it would just _kill him already_.

Yuuri was snapped from his thoughts as the bus pulled up right in front of him. He frowned and his eyes furrowed, when did he reach the bus stop?

"Oi, kid, get in," the bus driver flicked his head towards the back of the bus and huffed.

Yuuri nodded and stepped into the bus, his mouth dropped open; every seat was taken.

"Sit down!" The bus driver growled and Yuuri yelped scurrying to the back of the bus to find an open spot.

His efforts were rewarded when he found an empty chair a couple of seats away from the very back. He was about to sit down when a voice yelled.

"Hey, loser, you can't sit there, that's Georgi's spot." It was from a kid in the back, a freshman most likely. They had chin-length blond hair and striking sea-green eyes that reminded Yuuri of a tiger.

He was terrified of this kid.

"But I need a place to sit," his voice was quiet and he refused to make eye contact.

"Kid are you going to stand there all day? Sit. Down." The bus driver was more than pissed now.

"I don't care pig, that's Georgi's spot."

"But-"

"Nope, sorry." The kid leaned on a more stoic looking one, who shot him a pitying look.

"Pst."

Yuuri's head whipped in the direction the signal came from.

He was met with crystal blue eyes and long silver hair and _holy shit is that Viktor Nikiforov?_

"Sit here," he moved his backpack out-of-the-way and scooted down to the window, looking out. After a pause he looked back at Yuuri who still stood there in rigid shock.

"Now, or do you want to make yourself more of a target, little piggy" he hissed, his eyes narrowing down to slits and turning cold. And what's with everyone calling him pig, his weight became stable ever since he started taking ballet, having to keep up with Minako's strict diet.

Then again-- he wasn't training with Minako anymore.

The Viktor Nikiforov döppelganger grabbed his wrist and pulled him down into the seat right as the bus started moving again.

Two more bus stops and the person sighed, "Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so forceful."

"It's fine," Yuuri hugged his knees to his chest and kept his eyes firmly on the back of the seat in front of him. "I mean, I'm grateful that you did, and I understand why you did it. I'm like a fish out of water here."

The person gave him a glance, silver hair falling over their shoulder like a very silky wave and Yuuri wanted to touch it. Like, really badly.

They stuck out their hand with a fake smile plastered over their face and Yuuri found himself hating that million dollar smile.

"I'm Viktor Nikiforov."

"No fucking way," Yuuri turned bright red as soon as the words left his mouth and Viktor's smile got a little brighter, maybe a tad bit more real as it started to curl and take the form of a heart.

"Ohhh a fan! I don't see a lot of those outside of the rink! Commemorative photo? Sure!!"

The bus came to an abrupt halt, jolting all the passengers forward a little. The rejection stung, Yuuri's been working three years of his life to get Viktor to notice him as an equal, working non stop in the ballet field, knowing that Viktor had taken it too before his coach introduced him to skating, but he just dismissed him as nothing more than a mere fan.

Yuuri's gaze darkened, he stood up and just walked down the aisle and out the bus doors, heading purposefully toward the front office where he'd pick up his schedule.

**_\------------_ **

Why did teachers do this? In every single class since home room, a teacher has called him up to the front to introduce himself.

Yuuri stood up awkwardly, pretending the blush that covered his face wasn't there.

"Um well, my name's Katsuki Yuuri." He looked at the teacher expectedly, almost pleading her to dismiss him, but she waved her hand happily and signaled for him to continue.

"And I just moved her from Kyushu, Japan?"

The questions started like a barrage. The same one's he's been hearing all day.

_"Do you speak Japanese?"_

_"Do you watch any anime?"_

_"Got any body pillows?"_

_"Why'd you move here?"_

_"Where do you live now?"_

_"What was Japan like?"_

_"Don't they have rules on how many kids you can have there?"_

_"Do you have any high-tech stuff? I hear Japan is super high-tech."_

_"Where's Kyushu? Is that near Tokyo?"_

_"Are there really ninjas there?"_

Then there was one question that he hadn't heard and it left him breathless and reeling.

"Have you ever met someone with the Hanahaki disease?" The boy had brown skin, with onyx black hair with long bangs stopping at his eyes, which were a determined gray and he was wearing a sweatshirt with a hamster one the right of his upper chest. He gave Yuuri a soft smile.

"What's the Hanahaki Disease?" Yuuri turned his attention to the person who asked preparing himself to explain but the other boy beat him to it.

"Oh, well, that Hanahaki Disease is a disease born from one/sided or unrequited love. In the Hanahaki disease, those affected, will have flowers growing in their lungs until their love is resolved. If not--well, y'know." the boy broke off and cleared his throat and Yuuri cast his eyes down, feeling them water with tears. "The Hanahaki disease is only found in Japan weirdly, something about their climate being the only one that can support the magic involved in it, which is why it's such a rare disease." The boy smiled again, bright and brilliant.

"Yeah, well, not that rare in Japan," Yuuri chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "There are medicines though, and it helps a lot of people through it!" He yelped quickly when he watched his classmates faces turn to horror.

"I recommend not to fall in love in Japan." His teacher laughed awkwardly before pushing Yuuri off to his seat.

The rest of class continued something Yuuri couldn't understand since he moved here halfway through April.

When the bell rang, Yuuri began packing up his stuff and preparing for a pitiful lunch alone when the kid with the hamster sweater plopped down next to him.

"My name's Phichit," he stuck out his hand. Yuuri took it and shook it timidly.

"Yuuri."

"I know," Phichit stuck out his tongue and sent him a wink. Yuuri couldn't help but giggle a little.

"I know you know, I just felt like I had to return the favor." He stuffed his binder into his backpack before swinging it over his shoulder.

"Hey Yuuri?" Phichit stood up with him, tossing his own backpack over his shoulder.

"Yep?"

"You wanna eat lunch with me and my friends? I mean you're new here and all, and I have a feeling you'll fit right in." Phichit wiggled his eyebrows and gave a happy laugh.

Yuuri smiled, pushing aside his confusion because _what the fuck._

"Of course-uh, thanks."

"Do you know any English?" Phichit asked as they walked out the door together.

"I know it better than my Russian, that's for sure." Yuuri muttered.

"That's great! We--me and my friends-- we only speak English since we're all kind of the transfer students with a horrible grasp on Russian."

"My friends and I," Yuuri hummed and smirked at Phichit's glare.

"Well, whatever Mister English Boy." Phichit nudged his shoulder playfully, pulling a laugh out of Yuuri.

His mood dropped, however, when they entered the lunchroom. Yuuri felt like everyone was staring at him.

"C'Mon Yuuri! Our table's over there!" Yuuri doubted he'll ever be more grateful towards Phichit then he was at this moment.

The boy dragged him to one of the long, brown, rectangular tables at the back of the lunchroom. Sitting there were about 10 people.

Phichit sat down next to a boy with black hair, a bit darker than Phichit's (which Yuuri didn't even know was possible), dark gray eyes, and an expression that was the absolute definition of poker face.

"Everyone," Phichit announced in English, "This is Katsuki Yuuri." Phichit turned to look up at him with the largest smile on his face. "Yuuri this is everyone."

The boy next to Phichit stood up, "Hello, my name is Seung-gil, you can call me Seung, but if you call me Gilly I'll send my dog after you." He shot Yuuri a glare then sat back down. Friendly.

"Hey Yuuri!" A girl with violet eyes and long black hair stood up and squashed him into a hug from across the table, "My name's Sala, but only my brother calls me that, you can call me Sara!" She pulled away and bopped his nose.

Yuuri flushed and stuttered out a nice to meet you before the girl sitting next to the right Sara stood up and tossed an arm around her waist.

"My name's Mila Babicheva! I'm Sara's girlfriend," she shook his hand a little too forcefully, she was as strong as she looked, auburn red hair that stopped under her chin and electric blue eyes that challenged him for her girlfriend.

If only she knew the flowers in his chest. They're like a contract: his heart is pledged to another. He doesn't even know who.

"Right, o-of course, Nice to meet you."

Next, was the guy to Sara's left; a boy with copper hair that matched his skin and an eye color like Sara's but slightly paler.

"My name is Michele, but everyone calls me Mickey, Sala is off-limits, thank you." he shook his hand quickly and sat back down.

The boy sitting next to Mickey seemed reluctant to leave his side but after a second thought he reached across the table and wrapped Yuuri in a bone-crushing hug. Another one, yaaaaaay.

"My name's Emil! I'm Mickey's boyfriend!" He had dirty blond hair that covered his head and half his face in a growing stubble with a short beard. As soon as he finished introducing himself to Yuuri he clung to his boyfriend's side babbling happily, Yuuri sighed softly when Mickey's scowl lifted upright into a smile as he laughed at whatever his boyfriend told him.

"I'm Guang-Hong," a soft voice directed his attention to the boy next to the couple. Guang-hong stood and bowed, "It's a pleasure to meet you Yuuri-kun."

Yuuri smiled in his direction. Guang-hong had wide brown eyes hidden by a mop of chestnut hair, freckles dotted his pale complexion and he looked like the kind of friend to go to after a breakup. The kind who would give you hot chocolate and put on you favorite movie and wrap you in a blanket.

"I'm Leo!" the person right next to Guang-Hong stood up and draped his arms over the boy's shoulders. "Hey."

"Hi," Yuuri gave a slight wave.

The next boy who stood up was actually sitting right next to where Yuuri stood, he looked really young with blond hair a vivid streak of red across his bangs and- _oh my god, he's crying._

"Oh! Katsuki Yuuri, it's such an honor to meet you!" He gushed, he bowed multiple times before gripping his hand in a death grip that could rival Mila's, shaking it up and down at a rapid pace, brown eyes spilling tears that traveled down his cheeks. "My name is Minami Kenjirou but everyone calls me Minami, sir." He wouldn't stop shaking his Hand, tightly clasped between both of Minami's and Yuuri was certain his arm was going to fall off.

"You already know Yuuri?" Phichit asked. His cheek was resting on his fist and he leaned heavily on the table, his gaze was fond and filled with amusement, he stole a crouton off of Seung-Gil's salad and popped it into his mouth, earning a glare from the dark-haired and darker-scowl boy.

"God! How could I _not_?" Minami dropped Yuuri's hand to bring both of his to his face. "Katsuki Yuuri! Japan's ace? The male Prima Ballerina! The youngest principal dancer! Okukawa Minako's star pupil!" Minami held both hands to his face shaking his head side to side as he went on about Yuuri's achievements--greatly exaggerated. His blush was a permanent fixture on his face.

Everyone turned to look at Yuuri, who flushed in response.

"I'm not that good," he whispered slightly grabbing one arm with his hand and bending his head to hide his traitorous pale cheeks.

"Holy shit man."

"YOU'RE AMAZING YUURI-SENPAI, DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF!"

"Well sorry, Yuuri," a new voice spoke, it was cocky and filled with arrogance, Yuuri turned to see a boy with a black undercut, making a weird sign with his hands. "If you want the crown, you'll have to defeat the king!" He laughed long and loud and the girl next to him clapped her hands happily.

"Yuuri, that's JJ and his girlfriend, Isabelle," Phichit whispered in his ear. "They both moved here from Canada together."

Yuuri almost envied them, moving with someone close would make the transition a lot more easier. He glumly thought of Yuuko, she'll be graduating this year.

"It's nice to meet you two, I can assure you I don't want to steal any crown." Yuuri waved his hand in front of his face awkwardly.

JJ deflated a little.

"A-are you sure?"

"Eh?"

"Ignore him, Yuuri! Welcome to the gay table!" Phichit spread his arms out wide with an even wider smile.

"FOR THE LAST TIME: I'M NOT GAY, I'M STRAIGHT!"

"Plus JJ," Phichit pointed to where JJ and his girlfriend sat at the end of the table. "But everyone else? _Hells yes."_

Sara started patting the spot on the bench next to her excitedly.

"Ohhh, sit next to me, Yuuri! Isn't he adorable??? Mila can we adopt him. Can we? Can we? Can we?!"

"I-uhhhhh," Any rational thought flew out of Yuuri's mind.

"It's okay if you're not gay, Yuuri-Senpai. You don't have to be gay to be our friend or to sit at our table! Look, we keep JJ around!" Minami smiled happily up at Yuuri, his eyes were filled with adoration and it was starting to make Yuuri uncomfortable. Well, _more_ uncomfortable.

"Are you?" Seung took a bite out of his salad, not making eye-contact with the Japanese male.

"Am I what?" Yuuri blinked at him, tilting his head in confusion. God, that salad looked delicious, he wished he could sit down and _eat_.

"Gay."

"Ummm- I don't know? I've never had the chance to figure that out," Yuuri shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"Is it the Hanahaki?" Phichit was in the process of sliding Mickey's sandwich across the table while the other boy wasn't looking. When he got the sandwich back to his side he took a big bite.

"I'm sorry?" Yuuri managed to choke the words out, his entire body was rigid and he felt like he couldn't breathe-- _and no, not because of the Hanahaki._

"You have the Hanahaki disease right?"

The entire table grew quiet. The sound of Seung's plastic fork hitting the table was equal to the sound of a gunshot.

Yuuri tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. When it didn't work he resorted to lowering his head and willing off the burning tears in his eyes.

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me- //tries to work on this chapter literally everyday all week//
> 
> Also me- WoW LOOk WhAt UPdATed

“Yes.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
Yuuri chuckled and scratched the back of his head before sitting down right in between Phichit and Minami.  
  
“Would you believe me if I said I don't know?”  
  
“What kind of bullshit is that?” Seung picked up his fork and wiped it on his napkin.  
  
“I-i don't know, love-at-first sight?” Yuuri tried weakly, lifting up his arms to give an awkward shrug.  
  
“Yuuri-senpai.” Yuuri turned around only to have Minami crush him in a hug. “It seems your heart has already been conquered, very well, I forfeit.” He was crying again.  
  
Yuuri wasn't very good with people crying, ironically considering he blew up at anyone who didn't know how to handle _him_ crying.  
  
“There, there, Minami-Kun.”  
  
Minami buried his face into Yuuri’s T-shirt and gave a soft whimper.  
  
“How can you not know who you fell in love with?” Phichit was staring at Yuuri, his eyes were wide and he was leaning into Yuuri’s space.  
  
“Why do you even care?” Yuuri liked Phichit--but he was being kind of an asshole at the moment.  
  
Phichit turned bright red, shame and humiliation coloring his features.  
  
“I-i’m sorry, I guess I have been kind of insensitive. I jus-”  
  
Whatever he wanted to say, he wasn't able to finish because a tray clattered on the table. Right at the end, beside Mila and across from Seung.  
  
“‘Sup bitches, Plisetsky’s ranting about ‘ _My Chemical Romance_ ’ again and Otabek won't stop him. Not to mention Chris is after my pudding and today is just a day when a guy needs his disgusting lunch pudding.” Viktor Nikiforov plopped down on the bench and looked up, making eye contact with Phichit, leaning his face on his chin, and raised the most beautiful eyebrow Yuuri had ever seen. “Anyways, what's new with the gay table?”  
  
JJ stood up and laughed.  
  
“Well, Viktor, since you asked, it turns out you're not the only famous person around here anymore!”  
  
If it was possible, Viktor’s eyebrow arched even higher as he turned his head in the Canadian’s direction.  
  
“Oh? Did you finally win that maple syrup eating contest, Jacob?”  
  
“What? No, but I'm getting there! No, I meant Yuuri,” JJ pointed his hand in Yuuri’s direction and in return, Yuuri buried his face in Minami’s extremely vibrant, yellow hair. “He’s-uh, an, um,” JJ trailed off, snapping his fingers and trying to remember.  
  
“He’s Japan’s Ace, the youngest principal dancer, nicknamed the male Prima Ballerina, and Okukawa Minako’s star pupil,” Minami’s voice was muffled from being pressed into Yuuri’s shirt and cracky from all his crying, Yuuri just hugged him tighter. He didn't know what to do when people cried in front of him.  
  
Yuuri was too afraid to look up, he could feel the warmth of Viktor’s cold eyes on his back.  
  
“Katsuki Yuuri!? Woah, I didn't recognize you with your glasses on, that's so _amazing_!” Yuuri looked up just in time to catch Viktor’s wink. His face turned a few shades darker in return.  
  
Viktor smiled softly then picked up his pudding and started picking at the plastic lid.  
  
Leo looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could a streak of blond and brown hair tackled into Viktor’s side.  
  
“The arrangement, small fry, was you give me your pudding every day at lunch so hand the _freaking_ pudding over!” The figure screeched and ripped the tub of pudding out of Viktor’s hands.  
  
“Chris give me back my pudding!” Viktor whined, leaning over Chris, trying futilely to snatch the pudding back.  
  
“Nu-uh, Nikiforov.” Chris lifted a foot and shoved Viktor away with it while both of his hands were working on opening up the annoying tab of plastic that kept him from the snack.  
  
“Chris!” He leaned against the man’s leg with another whine. “It's my pudding.”  
  
“You were the one who said I could have all your pudding.” Chris’ green eyes light up as he finally picked away the barrier. He reached across the table and grabbed Seung’s spoon.  
  
The ebony-haired boy sighed.  
  
“What is it? ‘ _Steal all of Seung’s things_ ’ day, today?” He muttered, stabbing a piece of lettuce with his fork.  
  
“Sorry, _mon Cheri,_  but it's pudding!” Chris looked up at Seung and offered him a smile, then allowed his gaze to rake in everyone else at the table. He stopped at Yuuri, confusion shone in his eyes.  
  
“Woah, hey, eye-candy. You new here?” Chris leaned over the table and shot Yuuri a playful smirk.  
  
“Sorry, Chris!” JJ shouted from across the table, he still hadn’t sat down, “but Yuuri’s kinda taken!”  
  
Viktor shot up from where he was leaning on Chris’ leg, hitting his head on the edge of the table in the process.  
  
“He is?” Viktor gingerly touched the top of his head and hissed in pain.  
  
“Aww, bummer,” Chris pouted and Viktor glared at him.  
  
“You have a boyfriend.”  
  
“Masumi is open to poly.”  
  
“Yuuri might not be,” Viktor huffed and crossed his arms.  
  
“Yeah! He has Hanahaki,” JJ nodded his head and crossed his arms, pleased with himself for some reason.  
  
“What does hockey have to do with anything?”  
  
“ _Hanahaki_ , dumbass” Viktor hissed and slapped the back of Chris’ head.  
  
“Say it louder, I don't think the whole school heard you yet.” Yuuri groaned, throwing his upper half on the table and burying his face in his hands.  
  
“What's Hanahaki?” Chris shoved a spoonful of pudding into his mouth, ignoring Viktor’s eyes burning into the plastic cup.  
  
“Unrequited love,” Mila snapped shoved Viktor who fell into Chris’ side, also shoving him. “And I thought Hanahaki was something people usually keep _private_ ,” Mila shot Phichit and JJ their own respective glares.  
  
“ _It is_.” Yuuri hadn’t lifted his head. If he was lucky his chubby arms would suffocate him.  
  
From inside the folds of his arms, Yuuri saw both Phichit and JJ wince.  
  
“Unrequited love? What does that mean?” Chris smacked Viktor’s hand away when he reached for the pudding.  
  
“Japan's the only place that can support Hanahaki, the magic in the atmosphere isn't as stretched thin as it is everywhere else, it's heavy and thick, kind of like the oobleck slime you made back in 5th grade,” Phichit looked at Yuuri before continuing, “If you fall in love in Japan, and it's unrequited you start growing flowers in your lungs. They'll stay there until your love is requited, not even after death does it stop!”  
  
Viktor and Chris both turned to Yuuri, a little wide-eyed.  
  
“What kind of flower do you have?” Viktor leaned across the table, so he and Yuuri’s foreheads were inches apart.  
  
Yuuri lifted his head out of his arms and stared at Viktor before answering.  
  
“Pink Hydrangeas.”  
  
“Those are pretty,” Viktor hummed softly, tilting his head to the side so his bangs covered his left eye. The other was hooded and clouded with interest “How are you not suffocating?”  
  
“Peribat spray, special medicine.”  
  
“Peribat is Latin for ‘ _unrequited_ ’, no?”  
  
“I suppose it is,” Yuuri’s voice was a whisper too now, it was like they were both having their own private conversation far away from the lunch table.  
  
“What does the medicine look like?” Chris’ voice snapped Yuuri out of the Viktor and Yuuri only bubble he was in.  
  
Yuuri turned around and rummaged through his backpack, he didn't see the disappointed look on Viktor’s face and the glare he shot Chris’ way.  
  
“Here it is, well, the portable version,” Yuuri announced, pulling out what looked like a pink inhaler, placing it carefully on the table, right in the middle so everyone could see.  
  
“In Japan, every workplace, recreational center, and business are required to have some of these in easy-to-access places, love is unpredictable after all,” Yuuri shrugged.  
  
Phichit looked at the bottle with utter fascination.  
  
“I carry this around just in case I forget to take my medicine in the morning.”  
  
“What does your morning medicine look like?” Viktor asked, eyes glued to the bottle like it called his mother a cow.

Yuuri stuffed the bottle back into his backpack before answering.

“Chloraseptic Spray,” Yuuri wrinkled his nose in disgust, “it tastes like shit.”  
  
Viktor laughed, it was loud and gleeful, a heart shaped smile made its way onto his face and he had never seen that on the magazines he hoarded in his room.

 _They should have it on magazines, it’s pretty._  
  
Chris looked at Viktor out of the corner of his eye and smirked. He got a spoonful of pudding and stuffed it into Viktor’s heart mouth.  
  
“Yay! Thank you, Chris!” Viktor threw himself over Chris’ shoulders in a sort of half hug, more like a cling.  
  
“I was hoping you’d choke,” Chris grumbled, but still lifted a hand to pat Viktor’s head, which was nuzzled in the crook of his neck.  
  
Viktor sat up and snapped his fingers.  
  
“Right, I meant to tell all of you but I got distracted by the most _beautiful_ thing I've ever seen-”  
  
_Viktor really likes pudding_  
  
“-my Mama’s going to be out of town for a couple days so I thought ‘ _Why not be a normal high schooler and throw a party_ ’ then I realized, you guys and the 'Tiger table' or whatever the fuck Plisetsky calls it are kind of my only friends so it's not going to be a _normal high school party per say,_ more like a bunch of gay geeks drinking.” Viktor rubbed his index finger and his thumb together as he chewed on his lip.  
  
“I'm in, when is it?” Phichit asked, snatching another one of Seung’s croutons.  
  
“Oh, my fuc-”  
  
“I was thinking about Saturday, seeing how she leaves Friday.”  
  
Phichit nodded.  
  
“How ‘bout you guys?”  
  
Choruses of ‘ _I'm in_ ’ and ‘ _I'll be there_ ’s echoed around the table until Phichit spun on Yuuri.  
  
“You coming, Yuuri?” He gave Yuuri a hopeful smile.  
  
“M-me!?” Yuuri turned to look at Viktor as if he expected him to look at him in disgust and say ‘ _No, not that one_ ’ but he was caught face to face with equally hopeful eyes.  
  
“Please Yuuri? I'll be your bestest friend~”  
  
All the air was successfully knocked out of his lungs at the thought of _Viktor Nikiforov_ , his idol since he was twelve, being his ' _bestest friend_ ’  
  
Then he fell face first on the table at the thought of being in _Viktor Nikiforov’s_ house.  
  
“Yuuri?” Viktor poked his head curiously and Yuuri bitterly thought it should be illegal to say his name like that.  
  
“Saturday?” Yuuri asked.  
  
“Saturday,” Viktor confirmed with a nod of his head. His fingers were gripping the edge of the table, his chin rested on top of them so he could see Yuuri’s face.  
  
“O-okay.”  
  
Viktor shot his head with the brightness smile, it might be forever burned into his retinas-- _not that he minded that though._  
  
“You promise?!”  
  
“I promise.”  
  
The bell rang and Yuuri moaned when he realized he hadn't eaten anything.  
  
Any thoughts of any complaint flew out of his mind as Viktor tackled him in a hug because he smelt like lemon ginger tea.  
  
Which was Yuuri’s favorite tea.  
  
Which wasn't _fair_.  
  
“I'm so excited,” his lips were by Yuuri’s ear, so even if he spoke quietly, Yuuri could hear him loud and clear.  
  
An involuntary shiver went down Yuuri’s spin as his warm breath washed over his ear.  
  
Yuuri could feel Viktor’s stupid, cocky smirk against the side of his face. He tried not to whine when Viktor pulled away and held him at arm's length, lifting a finger to his lips to press there in thought before winking in Yuri’s direction and he should really stop winking before Yuuri gets an erection.  
  
“I'll see you there.”  
  
He was walking over to retrieve his backpack from the other side of the table (when had he crossed over?) and sashayed out of the cafeteria with Chris by his side.  
  
“Yo,” Phichit snapped his finger in front of Yuuri’s, snapping him out of his daze, “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” His eyes weren't leaving the door Viktor walked out of, he couldn't even turn his body away.  
  
“Well come on, let's get to class.Which is your next one?”  
  
Yuuri finally tore his gaze away from the door, he rummaged through the pocket of his jeans before pulling out a slip of paper, reading it carefully.  
  
“ _Chemistry with Mr. Cialdini_.” Yuuri wrinkled his nose, he was bad at Chemistry, he never picked up indicators or signals that were warnings that the evil thing he created was about to explode.  
  
“Oh! That's cool, I have that too! Maybe I can request lab partner switch, mine is rude.”  
  
“You're rude,” Yuuri lightly nudged his shoulder with his own, pulling chips out of his bag to eat on their way to class.  
  
“Yeah, but you love me.” Phichit returned the shove and Yuuri couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, because, Phichit was his rude friend. And he was right, he loved the guy-- for some reason.  
  
“So, who do you have as a lab partner?” Yuuri asked as they took the door on the opposite end of the room.  
  
“This chick named Anya, we don't care about your scandalous affair that everyone _but_ Georgi knows about,” he growled.  
  
Yuuri snorted.  
  
“Tough luck.”  
  
“You're telling me!”  
  
They reached classroom 169F in the science and math building and Yuuri found himself staring at the door, unable to open it.  
  
“Hey what's wrong?” Phichit looked at him, concern in his eyes.  
  
Yuuri shook his head.  
  
“It's stupid.”  
  
“Hey, no it's not, you can tell me anything. Promise, I won't judge,” his tone was gentle and soft and understanding. Yuuri sighed and mumbled something under his breath. “Yuuri.” Phichit deadpanned.  
  
“I just- I don't want to introduce myself to the class again.”  
  
Phichit winced.  
  
“I'm sorry Yuuri-”  
  
“No! Not because of- um- _that,_  just because I don't like the attention.” Yuuri shrugged.  
  
“Tell Ciao Ciao, he'll understand.”  
  
“He'll understand what?”  
  
Yuuri jumped and spun around, there was a middle-aged man, long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail that fell limply on his shoulder, green eyes sparkled with amusement and curiosity, and the _ugliest_ bolo tie Yuuri had ever seen.  
  
Phichit nudged him slightly, earning him a glare.  
  
“I- Well- I'm new, and so far every teacher has made me introduce myself and, um, I don't necessarily like doing that, so, um, I was wondering if I- couldn't?” Yuuri stumbled out, scratching the back of his neck and shifting his feet. His eyes were downcast.  
  
“Oh, of course, you don't have to. Come on, you're new? Let's find your lab partner,” the man opened the door and stepped inside. A few kids were already inside sitting at their tables playing on their phones  
  
“Oh, you must be Katsuki Yuuri,” Mr. Cialdini was at his desk, looking at something on his laptop.  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
“I've paired you up with,” a few more clicks,“ Chihoko!” He beamed and then pointed to a golden-haired girl in the back doodling on a piece of paper.  
  
“Ciao Ciao I wanted Yuuri!” Phichit whined.  
  
“Sorry Peach, you're still stuck with Anya.”  
  
Phichit groaned and stormed over to his table, sitting down with a _plop_ and blatantly ignoring the curly-haired brunette trying to speak to him.  
  
Yuuri timidly made his way to the back and took a seat next to Chihoko.  
  
“You can't sit there,” she snapped and didn't look up from the picture she was drawing.  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“No one sits there, I get the back all to mysel-” she stopped midway through her sentence when she looked up. “Hey.”  
  
Yuuri furrowed his brows. _Mood swings, she must be on her period or something, Mari always has mood swings when she's on her period._

“Hi?"  
  
“Hey,” she breathed. She was suddenly way to close for Yuuri's comfort, when had she gotten closer?

“Didn't you already say that?” Yuuri tilted his head and Chihoko blushed bright red.  
  
Yuuri chided himself for embarrassing her.  
  
“Yeah, sorry,” she murmured, before turning her attention back to her doodle, still bright red.  
  
Yuuri blinked, _Well then._  He turned his attention to the front of the class and sighed, glaring at the clock above Mr. Cialdini’s head as if it was it's fault the soon-to-be best night of his life was a week away.  
  
If only it was Friday, today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chappy to quench your thirst until I can pull myself together an fucking write the actualllllll ooooonnnneee enjoy some Platonic Phichuuri  
> Ily all thank you sm for reading yes  
> -dabs like white trash I am-

Yuuri was in a complete state of disarray as he realized that Saturday couldn't come soon enough and was approaching too quickly.

 

At least, that's what he was thinking Friday night as he stared at the clock on his phone, anxiety keeping him up so he really had nothing else to do.

 

_peachy-boi [11:55]_

ik youre awakkkeee

 

_peachy-boi [11:55]_

I CAn SEE iT IN YOUr EyEs

 

                                                        _Me [11:56]_

                                    Yuuri is unable to speak

at the moment bcs he's

totally sleeping stfu

 

_peachy-boi [11:56]_

2 excited for vikky’s party 

smh its so lame

 

_peachy-boi [11:56]_

the fun kinda lame butT 

still lame

 

                                                              _Me [11:56]_

                                                                 like you?  

 

_peachy-boi [11:56]_

iM-

 

_peachy-boi [11:57]_

yuuri u hoe get ur ass back 

here or your grounded

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

yUURI

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

i.

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

warned.

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

you.

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

sonny.

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

nOMAsTUrBaTIONfoR

A .WEEK.

 

                                _Me [11:58]_

                                                              pHICHIT!!!

 

_peachy-boi [11:58]_

you shaint’ve crossed

me BOi

 

_peachy-boi [11:59]_

its for ur own gud.

 

                                              _Me [11:59]_

                                      wHAT THE HELL???!!!

 

_peachy-boi [11:59]_

it pains me to do this 

to you yuuri

 

                                                          _Me [11:59]_

I dont know you.

 

_peachy-boi [11:59]_

coMmOn BB

 

_peachy-boi [11:59]_

SaY MaH NaMe

 

                              _Me [11:59]_

                                                   I'm pretty sure

that's a kink.

 

_peachy-boi [11:59]_

what r u suggesting 

CatsOOki

 

_peachy-boi [12:00]_

yEAH BoI ITS SATURDAY

 

_peachy-boi [12:00]_

hOW DOES IT FEEL KNOWIN

YOURE GONNA GET SUM 

FINE RUSSIAN AsS™ TOdAY??

 

_peachy-boi [12:01]_

Yuu-chan answer the question~

 _**{Message not sent, contact** _ **obliviousoso✿boi** _**has blocked you}ⓘ** _

 

_peachy-boi [12:01]_

YOu LiL sHIt

 _**{Message not sent, contact** _ **obliviousoso✿boi** _**has blocked you}ⓘ** _

                                                                 

Yuuri set his phone down on his nightstand and chuckled lightly. 

He laid down on his soft blue covers, curling around his toy poodle, Vicchan.

How did it feel knowing he was going to be in Viktor Nikiforov’s house today.

It felt like he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight, he sighed softly, turning on his back.

For some reason, instead of lying awake until the sun’s in his windows Yuuri drifted off to sleep with the happy thought of seeing Viktor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been LIKe A WeEk in the story let's pretend they swapped numbers after ciao ciao's class


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bAnQUet

Yuuri had exactly thirty minutes until he had to meet up at Viktor’s place and he hasn't yet picked out an outfit, brushed his teeth, fixed his hair, nor practice his emergency small chat lines.

Yuuri threw open his jeans drawer, he started sitting through his options and yelped when the door slammed open.

“Phichit!” Yuuri threw himself onto the younger boy.

“Yuuri you're still in your pajamas,” Phichit deadpanned.

“I know!” Yuuri wailed, “You have to help me!”

Phichit crinkled his nose.

“First off, take a shower. By the time you're out, I'll have an outfit ready for you.” Phichit lifted a light pink shopping bag with the logo in gold lettering.

“You're my hero.”

“You're welcome, bitch!” Phichit shouted as Yuuri dashed out into the hallway towards the bathroom.

Yuuri snatched his toothbrush and toothpaste from the sink and took them into the shower with him, quickly washing his body and hair and almost smearing shampoo on his toothbrush instead of toothpaste.

When he finished he dried off and draped a towel over his waist, glancing once at the medicine cabinet before dashing towards his room where Phichit was waiting.

\----------------

“I don't know, peach,” Yuuri played with the band of the high waisted pink shorts that Phichit had wrestled him into, “this isn't really my style.”

“Well make it your style, it looks good on you.” Phichit smoothed the wrinkles out of the white tank top and straightening the lapels of his whitewashed jean jacket.

“It feels _girly_ ,” Yuuri whined.

“There's nothing wrong with that,” Phichit flicked his nose with a playful expression.

“Well it's tight and making me insecure,” Yuuri whined and let his head fall on the younger boy’s shoulder.

“Damn, I wish I had thighs like yours,” Phichit sighed.

“P-Phichit!”

“Let's go, soft boy,” Phichit dabbed Yuuri’s wrist and gave it a tug, hurrying the taller boy to his car that sat awkwardly, half on the lawn and the other half on the side of the street.

“Can you drive?” Yuuri squeaked as he buckled himself into the front seat of Phichit’s dusty blue Toyota pickup.

“Depends,” Phichit turned the key and placed his hand on the gear shift.

“W-what does that mean?”

“Can I drive? Yes. Legally? No.”

“Oh my god, I'm going to die,” Yuuri whimpered, gripping the grab handle on the roof of the car so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“Oh calm down you big baby.”

The rest of me car ride was silent except for the radio, which was blaring a new pop song.

They heard the party before they saw it.

Loud music and the happy screams of horny teenagers echoing around the neighborhood as they made their way down one street towards an ordinary house in the suburb, except; it had cars parked everywhere in random directions, teenagers passed out all over the yard and flashing lights breaking out through the windows.

Yuuri cringed at how cliche the whole thing was, he even spotted a teen holding a red solo cup.

“I thought he said there would only be us,” Yuuri muttered, stomach churning with nausea at the sight of so many people in one space. He forgot his small chat lines.

“This is new,” Phichit mumbled, eyes never leaving the yard as he pulled in front of a neighbor's house and turned off the ignition, pulling the key out.

“I'm not good with people, peach, I won't survive.” Yuuri gripped his best friend's jacket sleeve.

“You'll be fine, buttercup, just stick with me and Seung, okay?” Phichit patted Yuuri’s shoulder before hopping out the car and making his way across the street to the pulsing party house.

Yuuri chewed the bottom of his lip before taking a deep breath and stepping out of the car. He trailed behind Phichit like a lost puppy, pleading eyes, hunched shoulders, and soft whimpers all intact.

Phichit didn’t even bother knocking, just pushed open the door and screamed something in Thai.

“Phichit.” Seung-gil was leaning on the wall like he was waiting for them to arrive (he probably was).

“Hey,” Phichit strolled towards the paler boy and dragged him down to his height, taking a quick selfie before attaching himself to his arm.

Yuuri figured it was better to be socially awkward than to be a third wheel to his best friend so he made his way towards the kitchen, hoping for a drink.

“I like soda. Where's the soda? Am I the only person here who fucking likes soda?” Yuuri grumbled, crinkling his nose when he walked past another beer can.

“Yuuri!” The voice was soft and shy, but Yuuri heard it and his shoulder sagged with relief.

“Guang-hong!” Yuuri pushed his way through the crowd as politely as possible, making his way to his extremely soft and amazing friend who would rather die than let you be awkward.

 "Hey! I'm sorry it's so crowded, it's not a good impression on our group parties, I promise it's never like this,” Guang-hong babbled, tackling Yuuri in a hug.

“It's fine, as long as I'm not left alone to talk to strangers.” Yuuri hugged back tightly, trying to steady his breathing.

“I know a place we can go if you don't like crowds,” Guang-hong pulled back and looked at Yuuri with concern in his eyes.

“ _Please_ ,” his voice was crackly and weak, all Yuuri had done tonight was _whine_ , but he just wanted to be alone. 

“As long as Leo-kun comes along,” Guang-hong beamed at him.

Yuuri nodded and managed a shaky grin.

Guang-hong grabbed Yuuri’s wrist and pulled out his phone, shooting a quick text to who Yuuri assumed was Leo before dragging him back into the main entryway, he took him down a hallway, and opened what Yuuri originally thought was a coat closet.

Inside was a staircase that led down into the inky darkness that kind of stirred at Yuuri’s slight nyctophobia.

“C’mon,” Giang-hong switched the flashlight on and dragged Yuuri down the steps behind him, pausing to shut the door.

The steps were wooden and the dust in the room seemed to settle on the inside of Yuuri’s nose. They reached the bottom and Guang-hong flicked a light switch, harsh lights penetrating the dark to reveal the musty room as-

“He has a fucking wine cellar?” Yuuri’s mouth dropped open as he stared at it.

“Mhm, his grandpa collected wines, this house used to be Viktor’s grandparent's place apparently, until his grandpa died and his grandma was moved to a psychiatric hospital,” Guang-hong sheepishly played with the end of his vanilla bean short tulle skirt.

The door opened, cutting through their small moment of comfortable silence as Leo stumbled his way down the stairs.

“Hey,” He stopped right in front of Guang-hong, hunched over, hands on his knees and huffing. “You needed me?”

“Are you okay? It looks like you sprinted here from the pool!” Guang-hong gripped the taller boy’s shoulders and examined his state anxiously.

“I did.”

“What!? Why!?”

“You used a period in your text," Leo plopped down on the ground, dragging Guang-hong into his lap. “You never use a period.”

“Oh my god-” Guang-hong cut off with a yelp when Leo buried his face in his neck.

“Plus I missed you.”

Yuuri felt guilty and a little pathetic, he was just being a third wheel again.

“If- If you two want to, you can join the party again, I'm fine down here by myself.” Yuuri cleared his throat and looked at a wine rack like it'll cure his Hanahaki.

“Oh, are you sure?” Guang-hong looked up at him hesitantly.

“Yes, go have fun with your boyfriend, I'll be fine, thanks to you.” Yuuri forced a smile onto his face, hoping to fool the two.

Guang-hong turned red and was about to protest before Leo hauled him up and led him up the stairs.

“Bye Yuuri!” Then the door shut, leaving him alone again.

Yuuri sighed, he sat on the ground and played with the buckle on his brown boots. Inhaling the smell of leather, wine, and dust.

He took off his glasses and cleaned them before turning to look at the wine collection once more.

‘ _How about some wine for the whiner?’_

He stood up and staggered a little, before trudging over to the stock of wine.

He knew what he was about to do would be considered stealing.

Stealing from Viktor’s dead grandpa.

Stealing from Viktor.

But right now, he couldn't _care_. He was just a _big selfish, whiny, baby who cried when things didn't go his way_.

Stifling a sob he reached for the nearest bottle and stumbled around looking for a corkscrew.

He found one near the stairs, he stabbed it onto the cork and let a couple tears fall because he was not supposed to be alone in a wine cellar tonight.

He was supposed to be drunk off his ass on cheap beer with all his lame, gay, friends from the lunch table. Playing stupid lame games like spin the bottle or would you rather, and sitting in a circle somewhere in the living room giggling at drunken stories and just being normal lame friends.

Yuuri had never felt more alone than he did now, sitting this close to the stairs he could hear the music pulsing, albeit softer now, and the happy squeals of teenagers having a good time.

Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he cursed himself for not being _normal_. For being _afraid_ of people, for being _afraid_ of embarrassing himself, for being _all alone_ in a damp, dusty, and dark wine cellar sipping wine straight from his _idol’s dead grandpa’s_ wine collection.

He cursed himself for being selfish, for being whiny, and clingy, and so dependent on others. For being such a _burden_ to his friends.

He let out a wail and clutched the now open bottle of wine to his chest, it probably costed a fortune, Yuuri had no right to touch it and here was acting like the fucking king with his hands all over other’s people’s hard work.

He just had to drink more, hopefully, he'll forget, forget this revelation of how horrible of a person he is. Just keep drinking, it's the only normal thing he can do now.

Run away from his problems. Run away from _himself_.

 \--------------

Yuuri woke up at 5:23 am, partially naked and in a stranger's bed. A tie had somehow made its way wrapped around his head despite not wearing a tie, his tank top, and shorts we're missing, jean jacket buckled to cover up his bare chest. He fell out of the bed with a groan, quickly picking up his missing clothes and glasses, which he found folded up neatly on the bedside table.

He pulled his pants and socks on, ripped the tie off his head and smushed the glasses onto his face before dashing down the stairs, avoiding passed out bodies scattered around the house and making his way back home as the sun started to rise, relying completely on google maps when he couldn’t see Phichit’s car anywhere.

Tears silently cascaded down his unnaturally pale cheeks as he realized that he probably just lost his virginity and he couldn't even remember _anything_.

He prayed that he didn't do anything stupid.

When he got home he tiptoed towards his room and collapsed face first onto his bed, crying until all his tears were gone before falling back into a dreamless sleep.

He slept until noon and didn't even notice that he hadn't taken his meds yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -sweats-  
> I can explain...  
> okay no I can't, thank you all so much for reading this and I'm sorry I'm so lazy I UPdATed thO
> 
> ((damn I used the word waist a lot))

**Author's Note:**

> Heyheyhey 3381 words.
> 
> please love me because I need attention too ((she says, knowing this ff will go nowhere.))  
> Bye~
> 
> Don't forget to comment and leave kudos they warm my heart <3 ಥ⌣ಥ


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